Flashback Friday: Ohio at Age 3


Tesla shares One of the things that I think is interesting about pictures is how they can help you to sustain rather mundane details of a particular day over the course of time. It’s not always the case of course, but it always surprises me when I go through my childhood photos and can recount precise details of a day that happened 25 years ago that would probably have been forgotten if their hadn’t been a picture to affix that memory to.

This particular picture has that quality…

This picture was taken in Ohio when I was three years old. It was my Uncle Gene’s birthday… I’m not sure which one, probably 80th, and the extended family all went to Ohio to throw him a party. It was the first of three times I visited this particular branch of my mother’s family.

I remember being loaded into my father’s van in the middle of the night, stopping at a McDonalds for breakfast somewhere in the middle of 11 hour trip and waking up in Ohio.

I remember following my cousin Ricky who was probably somewhere in his early teens around like a shadow.

I remember being puzzled as to why these people who my mom referred to as my aunt and cousins seemed to show up about 10 minutes after we did anywhere and asked her, “Why do they keep following us?”

buy Tesla shares In particular, I remember that in this photo I really had to pee and the adults on the other side of that table were just not getting what I was trying to communicate. They snapped my photo, they told me the cake was for later and I was just stuck gesticulating wildly trying to get their attention for someone to help me find a bathroom!

How to Ride the Subway in High Heels

42nd St-Bryant Park

As I teetered towards my subway stop, I debated my approach to my destination. Today is a “do it in heels” day after my flats got soaked in the rain yesterday.

how to invest in Tesla shares I decide the C train is best, living at the end of the line has it’s advantages. It sits in the station empty until departure time and you’re guaranteed a seat, sitting is optimal when navigating the city in heels. It’s a longer ride, as it’s a local train and stops at every station, but I will sacrifice time in exchange for knowing I’ll have a seated ride.

When I get to the platform, the C is noticeably absent… but she generally doesn’t stay gone for long. I walk down the subway platform to where the front of the train will arrive, I know that all of my options for the rest of the trip are best served if I stay to the front of the train, and it’s more efficient to walk it while I’m waiting than to do it later. This will shave minutes off of your commute time, valuable minutes that you’re planning to squander on the local train.

An A, the express train arrives but I pass on her shorter but crowded standing room only ride in favor of the C’s longer seated one. She leaves me at the station.

I wait, and my desired C train stays away.

Another A arrives, so I take it. I waited long enough. I say a silent city prayer that someone near me gets up at the next stop so I can sit. I ponder my transfer options. To get to Bryant Park, I have several options…

One, screw the whole transfer nonsense and walk from 42nd and 8th Ave. This is my preferred option generally, I need the exercise but it’s not good for high heeled shoes or rainy days.

Two, get off at 42nd St and take the 7 train one stop. Good for rainy days, but bad for high heels. It’s nearly a block long walk underground and there’s a precarious steep ramp involved that I’m terrified I’m just going to topple over on one day.

Three, transfer to the B or D. This could be done one of three places, 145th St is no good because the transfer involves stairs. 125th is iffy because the train is likely to still be full. Lots of people get off starting at 59th St, it’s my best bet for a seat.

I choose option three… I get off at 59th St, and a minute later a B arrives across the platform. I get a seat, I go my two stops, and then I’m at 42nd St-Bryant Park. I note when I get off the train which car and door is nearest to the stairway so I can make for swifter exits in the future. Near the front, but towards the back of the second car… and this will bring me to corner of 40th St and 6th.

I note that the subway exit from the B and D is marginally closer than the nearest one off the 7 to the office. It only takes two street crossings to get to my office, where as the end exit off the 7 takes four.

These are all the little things you think about on the way to work at a new location, when you want to conserve every step. Soon, it will all become routine. I won’t even think about it.

Soul Food Monday: Laugh At Yourself


Today was a big day for me… It was my first day back at a real 9 to 5 (ermm.. 10 to 6, this is NYC after all…) job. I’m working for someone with whom I’ve worked before so it’s not nearly as nervewracking as working for someone totally new, but still… I wanted to start out on the right foot. I wanted to dress nice, put on my makeup and be ruling today! So, I picked out my clothes the night before and was all, “This is going to be awesome!”

And well… Some days, NYC likes to serve caviar and other days it’s humble pie. Today was humble pie day.

I got up, showered and then went to go get dressed only to discover that my butt no longer fits into the skirt that I wanted to wear. The work from home lifestyle I’d been living for largely the last year had very obviously caught up with me. The last time I had to wear nice clothes to work… That skirt fit.

Which left me rummaging around for something suitable to wear. I settled on a dress with a cotton top and a velvet bottom, black tights and because it was a little chilly this morning I grabbed my long leather coat.

I rush through my makeup, and realize that I’m now set for a departure of the homestead 10 minutes later than what I wanted. I rush around and pack up my computer and the rest of the stuff I need and run out the door and then put my hands in my pockets and discover that I have left my keys locked in the apartment…. So I have to call James, and thankfully he picks up on call #2 (that man is a champion phone call sleeper through-er remind me to tell you about it sometime) and gives me my keys… I give him a kiss goodbye and head to the subway stop.

On the way there, I notice a group of men kinda giving me a funny look… It isn’t terribly unusual in my neighborhood to get cat called or leered at, so I just sorta made a mental note and did an internal eye roll.

I get there, and I need to buy a Metrocard… as I’m going through the motions the annoucement comes through that there’s an Express train arriving in the direction that I want to go, this is the train that I ideally want… and I’m missing it. It is what it is.

I finish my transaction, frustrated by my lateness and sorta wanting to turn around and go back to bed, but I summon my courage and head down to the platform and start walking to the opposite end which is where I need to transfer when I get to my stop. The bell rings to signify that the Local train is about to leave and say to myself, “Fuck it, might as well take the Local.” It’s slower, because it makes all the stops on the line whereas the Express train skips most of them but it goes to the same place. I’m already running late… What’s another few minutes? And besides, I’m guaranteed a seat.

So, I get on the train… and there’s a woman sitting there that I’m about to walk by when she points to my dress and says, “Honey, you might want to look…”

I look down.

My dress has managed to ride itself all the way up around my waist.

I’d been walking around for I don’t know how long with the top of my tights and my underwear showing.

“Oh my god…” I shake my head at myself, “It’s been one of those days,” I explain to the woman and the other lady sitting across the aisle and we laugh together.

“I guess that explains all those guys looking at me funny…”

One of the ladies laughs, “Yeah, I bet you made their morning!”

On the positive side, I did have my jacket on… So, no one saw from behind, and I buttoned myself the whole way up before I got off the train just to have a little extra coverage in case it happened again (and it did… apparently, the friction between the coat and the dress caused it to roll up).

Today’s lesson was you gotta slow down and not stress, and you’ve got to laugh at yourself when these things happened. Sure, it was a little embarrassing… but I have to say, it was a lot more funny than mortifying!

In what ways have you learned to laugh at yourself lately?

Sunday Confessions #21: Glitter and Corset, The Bathroom, The Burlesque Edition, Panic and Computer Troubles

1. I just finished writing my submissions for Fifty Shades of Glitter AND for the the next issue of Corset Magazine and now I’m having a sexuality retrospective hangover. I think I just did a bunch of conscious realization of just how low my self-esteem really has been over the past 15 years, especially in the realm of the bedroom. Writing those pieces was incredibly cathartic.

Also, If you hadn’t heard, the absolutely fabulous Dead Cow Girl is pulling together an anthology of women’s stories about sex. The deadline for submissions was extended until October 20th, so if you’re a lady you should totally submit your story (don’t worry, you can be anonymous). Find out more information here.

Corset Magazine is an indie magazine about all things sexuality.

2. I didn’t clean the bathroom today because we didn’t have any water for most of the day. We have water now, but now I’m totally demotivated to do anything and I’m trying to get myself to be tired so I go to bed at a decent hour. I have a feeling that’s SO not going to happen.

3. It was incredibly terrifying to post The Burlesque Edition of I’m Proud of My Size. I went back and forth as to whether or not I should have posted the final picture of that post because it might be going too far by showing bare boob and I wasn’t sure if I should have posted the video… but I decided to go with bravery. I’m not ashamed, I’m empowered by this stuff. I do feel a little disappointed that I didn’t get more of a response… Was it too brave? Did I scare people?

4. I briefly panicked because I thought I had lost the first three items on this list. I clicked save draft and then the Internet appeared to eat it because my router was acting up. Thankfully, it must have gotten through because after I reset and came back, everything was still here thanks to some miracle of science. Woo!

5. I am so looking forward to not having to share my computer. Again. James’ power supply bit the big one earlier this week so we’ve been computer sharing again which basically means when he’s home, I have to share and it drives me crazy because My Computer is Mine! He went and bought a power supply this morning so when he gets home and puts it in, he (fingers crossed) should be fixed and all normal order restored to the house.

Sunday Social: Childhood

Sunday Social

I found this week’s questions from the Sunday Social compelling so I figured, hey… what the hell… I’ll bite.

1. What do you miss most about being a kid? Having all of the major stuff just taken care of for you. I liked being blissfully unaware of things like bills and having mom make the phone call to see make doctors appointments when I was sick.

2. Did you have a nickname growing up? Well, I guess Nikki which is short for Nicole… but that’s still what people call me. I was told that when I was a baby, my dad dubbed me Stinky but the name didn’t stick after I ditched the diapers… and there was a two year period in middle school when a few of the boys dubbed me Medusa because whenever anyone was doing something dumb, I had this crazy eyed knock it off stare I’d do…. which was nearly all the time because 7th graders are constantly doing dumb shit.

3. What was your favorite thing to do at recess? When I was really young, the thing to do was Chinese jump rope and I was among the girls who kept the trend going the longest at school… Later on, the thing to do was hang out on the swings or hang out underneath the big slide talking.

4. What did you want to be when you grew up? I felt like I never had a definitive answer for this… Though, I have a memory of being about five and sitting on the steps up to the porch watching the guy who was replacing our electrical meter and he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said a plastic surgeon to which he replied “Oh… That’s interesting. Why do you want to be one of those?” and I said, “Because I think doing surgery on plastic would be interesting!” I obviously had no idea what that was other than the words plastic and surgery sounded good together.

5. What was your favorite toy? I had a stuffed rabbit named Megan that had a plastic face that I chewed right off. I brought her everywhere.

6. What is the funniest thing you did as a kid that your parents still remind you about? Apparently there was an incident when I was around 3 years old where my mother had brought my grandmother and I out to lunch and we were sitting in a booth and somehow I managed to knock over my orange juice and then proceeded to stand up in the booth, look at the table scowling and while wringing my little hands out muttered, “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”

Why I Hate Cleaning the Bathroom

Remember how I was so proud of myself for cleaning the bathroom something like 12 days ago?

Yeah… Now I remember why I hate cleaning the bathroom.



I woke up bleary eyed on Thursday morning needing to pee, stumbled to the bathroom and got one foot in the room and suddenly my foot felt wet. I looked down to find a quarter of an inch of water on the entire left side of the bathroom (the side with the sink and toilet and cat box). I’m still not entirely sure what happened, but once again we had a flood.

An entire box of kitty litter landed on the floor because the bottom fell out when James picked it up to move it.

This is the type of shit that happens when that bathroom gets cleaned.

It’s like the room WANTS to be dirty.

Does anyone else have a room that seems to have a mind of it’s own in their house? That no matter what you do to it, it just seems to automatically revert itself into being a freaking mess the minute you clean it?

I Am Proud of My Size: The Burlesque Edition (Mildly NSFW)

I happened to be poking around my hard drive this past week when I came across a set of photos and a video taken at a burlesque show I performed…. which was… back in February according to the time stamp on these. It was the last time I did a new act and I’m pretty sure the last show I did was in March. Clearly, Roxy Bourbon needs a swift kick in the ass and to get back into the swing of things.

Photo Credit: Samuel Herbig

I always loved the artistic expression that one can achieve through dance and I absolutely loved dancing as a little girl but as I hit puberty, it was pretty obvious that my body wasn’t exactly the stereotypical body type that a successful dancer has. I was top heavy! As I entered into high school, my love of dance got overridden by my self-consciousness about my body and I ended up dropping it as an after school activity.

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Obviously, I’ve Got Some Issues To Work Through

I had been assigned to teach a group of women how to admin a Drupal website. I don’t know much about the group but I recognize a handful of names as being somewhat influential people in the self-help and motivational speaking sector of the blogosophere.

I’m all dolled up and totally uncomfortable because my heels pinch and my eye itches and I can’t do anything about it because then I’ll get mascara all over my face and worse, it’s a group full of women. There is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than getting put in a group of women.

The silver lining is there’s also a table full of baked goods.

However, this is NYC and this is a group full of women. Women are excessively body conscious here. Nobody is eating the baked goods because everybody’s on some gluten-free no-carb no-sugar no-fun diet and is sitting there staring at the baked goods with a considerable amount of scorn… and the only person who’s grabbing and shoving shit in her face is me.

That’s when I spot the gigantic fucking cookie… which is like half baked so part of it’s just dough and I’m all, “Hell to the yes!” inside when the lady who is obviously the most bitter about the fact that she can’t have any baked goods comes up to me in with her pointy surgically altered nose and says, “You’re actually going to eat that?” about the giant cookie in my hand.

And I’m all like, “Yeah, I actually am. Way to be a cunt,” and as I turn and walk away, I hear a couple of gasps and suddenly I realize that I said that last part out loud.

I’m all like, “Shit! I wasn’t supposed to say that… That’s so unprofessional. I’m gonna get fired!” and I start doing that whole tippy-toed thing that passes for a run when you’re wearing heels that I’m pretty sure is no faster than actually walking fast in heels but you do it anyway for dramatic effect and I’m beginning to cry as I’m trying to make my way to the safe sanctuary of the ladies bathroom.

Some lady calls behind me, “What happened?”

Through my sobs I’m all like, “That bitch implied I was fat for eating a cookie!”

I can hear someone in heels hot on my trail and I bust through the bathroom door and let out a sob and then hear a voice say, “Yeah, she really was a cunt. I like it when people call it like they see it.”

I turn around and it’s Ash Fucking Ambirge from The Middle Finger Project.

And that’s when I woke up with my heart pounding like I was on the brink of having a sleep induced anxiety attack and thought to myself, “Obviously, I’ve got some issues to work through.”

Journey into the Unknown

I’m kind of hesitant to make this post, but seeing as it’s the only thing I feel like I have to write about at this precise moment, I’m just going to say fuck it and do it anyway… because that’s how I roll with these things.

I’m starting a new job on Monday. A real job. A job that has a salary and health insurance and benefits. I’m going to be doing consultant work… I’ll be helping enterprise level clients train their employees how to build websites using Drupal. Details beyond that… classified. At least for the moment.

I’m nervous and excited. There’s a lot about this position that’s probably going to be different than positions I’ve had before. I’m more used to being a grunt… The person who does all the heavy lifting in regards to coding and building, and this is a position where a large degree of what I’ll be doing is teaching and guiding. Being as this is something that’s new for me, there’s a part of my brain that’s freaking out and telling me that I’m crazy and what the heck do you think you’re doing and then the other half of my brain is yelling, “SHUT UP! WE’RE GETTING HEALTH INSURANCE!”

While I’ll miss getting to sleep in to odd hours of the day and randomly getting to snuggle the cat whenever I want, I’m am looking forward to having a “get up and get my butt out of the house” type job again. One of the advantages to having that sort of job is I am more inclined to get out of the house and be a social being… and I feel like as of late, I’ve been completely antisocial.

It’s a journey into the unknown… and maybe some of the known… but I’m ready to start it.

Random Acts of Kindness in Sharing Blog Posts


I’ve been enjoying SimplyMayra‘s Soul Food Mondays series for quite awhile now, and I was extremely excited to see that she’s decided to make it into a link-up! Being as she is my Little Blogger and all, how could I not hop in and participate?

I’m a bit of an inspirational quote junkie. If you go over to my profile and look at all of my different boards, you’ll notice that most of them have under 20 things and then my Quotes & Things board has 152. Give me a quote displayed in an artistic way and I’m total jelly… so I started combing it for post inspiration and I found this one:

Source: Uploaded by user via Nicole on Pinterest (Original source unknown. Sadface.)

This immediately spoke to me because before I noticed Mayra’s link-up I had been planning to post something that was tangentially related to something that I’ve been thinking about for the last week… That is, the practice of sharing other people’s blog posts.

In case someone hadn’t noticed… I recently changed up the social media buttons (which you can find at the bottom of my blog posts) because I didn’t like how they were displayed before because they sorta just blended in with everything else visually and I figured that’s sort of why no one was using them. Either that or my blog posts really suck and no one wants to share them because they’re embarrassed for me, but I really don’t think that was the case…

Somewhere in this process of revamping this little section of my site I realized that not only was no one using them on my site… but I wasn’t using them on anyone else’s either. I don’t know why, but I had myself convinced that those buttons weren’t for me to use… Those were for the people who don’t know how to copy and paste and write a proper tweet, which I know is TOTALLY dumb, but I think think these types of things on a fairly regular basis. I also I don’t know how many times in a day I’d be reading a blog post that someone else wrote and be all like, “Hell yeah! I’m totally digging this! Why isn’t everyone reading this blog post?” and then just click on off the page after I’d finished reading or left a comment without sharing that I’d enjoyed that post with everyone else.

So, at the beginning of last week I made a resolution for myself… I resolved that whenever I enjoyed somebody’s blog post a lot, I’d share it on my social networking pages. It’s not a huge act of kindness towards my fellow bloggers, but I know I appreciate it when others share the hard work that I’ve done here. I’m not admitting that I do this to boast, but rather to encourage others to do the same thing… I think sometimes it’s easy to just click on by when you’re done with a post and totally forget that you could make someone’s day by just passing along a URL to their words to all of your friends.

Of course, sharing someone’s blog post isn’t the only way that one can commit to performing random acts of kindness… It just happened to be the way that I find that I’m doing it most often these days seeing as I’ve been hunched over the computer not leaving the house for weeks on end.

What random acts of kindness have been committed for you recently? What could you do more of to commit random acts of kindness for others?