Dear Logan the Cat, when on earth did you have time to vomit by where I put my feet without me noticing? I really didn’t appreciate getting to squish my toes in your partially digested food and then having to scream like a little girl and resist the urge to make a complementary pile of my own vomit. Do me a favor cat, learn to vomit in the toilet like a civilized creature. Or at very least, don’t vomit on the rug again, that’s harder to clean.

Dear James, Thank you for cleaning up the cat vomit.

Dear IE7, Why won’t you die yet? And why are you behaving like IE6 on me all of the sudden. Not cool, man. Not cool.

Dear work, You had terrible timing by throwing all of the IE7 bugs on my plate during my boyfriend’s days off. We’re not good at sharing computers, just so you know.

Dear self, I know you’re all nervous and wound up all over all of the moving stuff that needs to get done and the fact that money may be short and there’s a lot to do in a short amount of time, but I need you to relax and be kind to yourself. You’re doing yourself no good to constantly be teetering on the edge of panic. It will all get done. It will all be okay.

Dear soda, I am trying to quit you. Why you be so tasty!?

Dear neighbors who stand in my backyard smoking pot, MAN! Why you be doing that while I’m trying to work? That’s NOT FAIR.

Dear little man who controls the weather, I would like the temperature to be 75 degrees please, also if you could turn the humidity down that would be awesome.

Dear brain, Stop telling me that you want a nap. Now is not a good time for a nap.