Beyond the obnoxious behavior of opening the fridge, Logan has picked up another bad habit.

Biting. Not hard, just a little nip here and there.

You’ll be petting him and see happy and then out of nowhere, will turn his head and nip your hand. Or you’ll be laying on the floor in a yoga pose and he’ll just walk up and nip you in the forearm. Or you’ll be standing in the kitchen, and he’ll just walk up and nip you in the leg.

The best I can figure, he’s upset about not being let outside anymore and he’s trying to punish me for it…

And it’s seems to be working.

As much as I’d like to like cats, at the root I have a very deep seated mistrust.

I was the kid who mama barn cat decided she wasn’t impressed with, probably because one of her overly friendly kittens decided to love on my leg without her explicit permission, and while I was climbing the steps to go into my aunt and uncle’s house, mama barn cat walked up a bit me.

After that, I just was never at ease around felines.

I would freeze up if one would try to approach me, even if it was in a friendly manner. Cats I liked were cats who knew how to keep themselves distant.

And then one day, around the time I was 11 or 12, I was suddenly allergic. Fifteen minutes in a house with a cat would have me struggling to breathe, head full of snot and grouchy as all hell because I felt like I’d just been clotheslined with a temporary head cold.

Looking back, I’m pretty sure a large portion of my social anxiety from my teenage years might not actually have been social anxiety… a large part of it probably was “I’m bitchy and disagreeable because your kitty is making me very ill, and I’m losing it because all I really want to do now is go home and go to bed.”

The allergy has dissipated over the years, most notably since I moved to New York City. I partly attribute that to the fact that most NYC apartments don’t have wall to wall carpeting, therefore there probably isn’t generations worth of kitty dander, dust mites, and whatever else I’m allergic to in a wall to wall carpeted house…. and partly, I’m just not sure.

Logan was really the first cat I spent any extended time around in the city, and we bonded pretty quickly and on my overnight visits he often took to sleeping on top of me, and shoving his cute little face in mine in the morning… something I’d never let a cat do ever because usually it would give me the mad case of the itchies and snifflies… but it never seemed to be a problem with him, and I never felt intimidated or afraid by him…. Sure, at times he wasn’t exactly the most warm and welcoming cat, but if he wasn’t into you in that particular moment he just ran away…

Until the biting began…

I feel like that terrified little kid all over again. I’m currently locked up in the bedroom with my computer because I’m absolutely petrified that Logan is just going to randomly walk up to me and bite me in the leg. I’ve been walking around with a squirt bottle full of water because the moment he comes within two feet of me I’m just stricken with panic, and as long as I keep the water bottle with me he’s cautious because he knows what’s coming.

I literally have no idea what to do. I feel like a tyrant walking around with a water bottle. I don’t want to give in and let him go outside again where he can potentially just get sick again.

But this cat is terrorizing me… Why can’t you just be the the cute sweet kitty I fell in love with, Logan?