This week, I bid farewell to the company that I’d been working for since October… thus I got what I was secretly wishing for, some time and space to sit down and really explore what it is that I want to do with my life.
Despite the fact that it’s my intention to explore this big life question… I’ve started out my newly found time off curled up in bed with the covers pulled over my head trying to avoid it because.. well.. sometimes scary shit comes up when you start thinking about how you’d like your life to be.
Because it’s always the biggest, scariest thing that floats to the top for me…
Case and point… Having a baby.
Because, yeah… sure… I think it would be pretty swell to have a little human that eats and poops and makes funny faces whenever he/she has gas eventually, but that’s not one of those things that’s in the cards right this minute. There’s shit to get done in the mean time… Like, making money and learning how on earth to keep my house a little closer to upkept so said hypothetical baby won’t choke on say… a pin that says “I Love Yarn” that happens to be sitting on the floor.
Nevertheless, it’s a goal. On the tail end of the five year plan… but you know, it’s a thing and it’s there and I might as well admit that I go fucking bat shit baby crazy at least twice a month opposed to pretending like it’s never crossed my mind ever.
Oh, and so there’s two reasonable goals that I could and should be working on RIGHT NOW buried right in there… make money and be a better housekeeper.
But of course, like anything… Those are loaded items.
Making money is one of those things that’s tied right in there with trying to figure out what to do with my life… I haven’t been exceptionally happy with my career path up until this point. I largely fell into web development because I had a passion for sharing ideas and connecting people, knowing how to code just happened to be a means to an end… Somewhere along the way, I got disconnected from my passion and just fell into writing mindless code… and I wasn’t built to be a code monkey. I just wasn’t… but that’s what I am now, and I’m not sure how to dig myself out of that rut. Mostly because I don’t really have an alternate plan.
Oh, I have a million ideas of things that I think would be interesting to do…
Like… I think it would be cool to be a record producer, or a life coach, or someone who owns a business that makes open source audio hardware, or an author, or someone who makes their living tweeting random crap for people, or starting a t-shirt company with witty crap that my roommate comes up with (I’d give you a cut, Jed), or becoming a stand up comedian (I seem to want to do this every time I watch Louis CK)…. and I suppose… it’s not that I couldn’t do any of those things… It just seems very daunting to pick something and try it out.
Then there’s the housekeeping thing…
I made an effort today, which is more than I can say about most days. I went through and made a big long list of projects that I saw around the house that I ought to take care of a la Apartment Therapy’s January Cure… then, since I was feeling like doing something… I washed the dishes and cleaned the bathroom sink. It wasn’t much.. but it was something.
Confession: I may have actually made that effort just so I could say in my blog post that I made the effort. But whatever motivates me… Right?
First of all… housekeeping’s overrated. When you look back on your life when you’re 80, will you remember that you did the dishes back in 2013 or tried out stand-up comedy? Second of all… try the stuff that scares you the most because that’ll usually be both the more rewarding and what you really want the most anyway. Okay that’s all the wisdom I have in me today… (heading back to surfing iTunes podcasts now). ;P
Jennifer M. recently posted..Oregon Beauty
I’m so jealous of you. I am so unhappy at my job and I know that I should be grateful but when I see people going through this same thought process that you’re describing, all I can think is “omg I would give anything…”. I know that it has to be scary but I just feel so much envy for this opportunity that you have to make any decision that you want!
I also have a touch of baby fever too, but like you I am doing my best to wait.
Renée recently posted..A snowy adventure.
Wow am I right there with you! In my experience it’s been really fun to “try on” some different ideas and see what actually sticks. I have tried out several “careers” or passions and some I’m still focusing on (like homeschooling and writing) and some I decided were just meant to be a hobby for now (like knitting/crocheting). Don’t be afraid to make mistakes and try new things because you never know what will be the right thing for you until you try it!
HUGS!
Sara Carbaugh recently posted..How Sara got her groove back
I can totally relate to the baby thing. Some close friends of ours just announced that they’re expecting, and it has seriously thrown me for a loop. I know I have things to get together in my life (I also need to figure out what I’m doing career wise, and money wise)…but it sucks when me & my husband are waiting for so long to do everything “right” and everyone else is just doing it (seemingly) without thinking of any of that. It just sucks trying to pretend you don’t want something when you really do.
Delightfully Awkward Brittany recently posted..Nominated for a Bootleg!
hi, i following the “aloha friday blog hop” and i would love for you to visit my blog and follow if you like it.
http://www.blackinkpaperie.blogspot.com
thanks
new follower bev
I know exactly how you feel with trying to decide what to do with your life. I’ve been trying to work out what I want to do with mine for a good few months now. I didn’t come up with anything concrete so I’m putting off deciding by moving to China for a couple of years.
At least I think it’s for a couple of years, it doesn’t feel like something I should do for the rest of my life.
Hopefully I’ll be more focused when I’m done with that.
I hold absolutely no hope that I’ll ever be the kind of person who stays on top of their housework.
Anyway, I wish you luck with your planning, and organising, and I hope you are more successful in deciding what you want to do next than I’ve been.
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This year I wrote down a list of goals. A few weeks later I realized I left off a really big and important one: being a better housekeeper. So I started to-do lists and going off of Fly Lady cleaning model. Seeing your posts are super exciting because I plan on doing the same thing!
I’m still trying to determine what I want to do with my life. The job I have now isn’t even something I consider a career. It’s not bad, but it’s boring. Someday I hope to find something that I enjoy and I hope you find something too
Madison recently posted..Time for Change