The Shit Mood and Human Connection

I had a really crappy day yesterday.

It was one of those days where I was amped up on anxiety and couldn’t seem to finish a coherent thought.

Sitting down to write, my usual go to comfort, felt a bit more like torture because someone had turned up the volume of my inner-critic to 11, and all she wanted to tell me was something along the lines of, “You’re a worthless piece of shit who should go die in a fire.”

Yeah, I know… Isn’t that sunshine and roses?

When I get into these moods, there’s usually one thing that I’m desiring more than anything else… and that’s human connection. It doesn’t really matter if it’s in person or on the phone or a Google Hangout or even just shooting some texts or IMs back and forth, but knowing that there are other people out there who are capable of empathy and willing to distract me from my own gremlins for a few hours is quite a comfort.

The trouble is, when I get into these shitty moods I’m pretty abysmal at initiating that contact because when your own brain is telling you that you ought to go die in a fire, you start making this assumption that if you were to talk to anyone right now they would also want you to go die in a fire.

So, instead of reaching out like you so desperately want to do, you end up refreshing Facebook and Twitter at an alarming rate and posting cryptic messages about how you’re in a shit mood that either nobody reads or everybody ignores.

And suddenly you’ve just gone from bad to worse in the blink of an eye.

So, when I ran across this video today via Jenny Blake, and I couldn’t think of anything more timely to share here.

P.S. I’m feeling a lot better today, but I’m still feeling pretty lonely.

4 thoughts on “The Shit Mood and Human Connection

  1. This is exactly how I feel. At the moment we are currently homeless and sleeping on my brothers loungeroom floor. So all my friends think I am super busy house hunting…but I spend all my time sitting alone and being depressed about not having a house (all the open houses are clustered together usually on a saturday morning). I desperately need to do something out of this house but I just can’t find the guts to use my words.

    • I definitely know how that situation goes… I was in between homes throughout September and October this past year, a situation I was honestly taken by surprise to find myself in because I hadn’t anticipated my boyfriend breaking up with me and man were these feelings strong then. At first I didn’t want to look for new places at all, and then I went through a phase where I was afraid that I was going to get denied for everything I applied for… but in the end, it all worked out.

  2. Sorry to hear about your crappy day! I definitely know how you feel about how social media makes us lonely. I think it’s because we just use it to diffuse the full effect of our emotions — we feel like we get things off our chest, but we’re not really improving our relationships when we do it. It’s like the potato chips of communication. Anyway, if you’re up for it I just recently posted on that topic on my blog!

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