Somewhere in the past two weeks, I hit the extreme overwhelm point…
I’m not exactly sure when (I feel like my perception of time is skewed), but I remember reading Sarah’s We Used to Speak in Essays and then watching Aubrey’s most recent vlog about her thoughts about blogging, social networking, online communication, etc. and I just went into internal meltdown mode.
My thoughts were already focused on blogging and social media… I just launched the website for a business that’s pointedly focused on such matters and my brain was already focused on deconstructing the practice for blog entries about it…
But when Sarah helped drag up memories of the past and Aubrey brought up some of the consequences… I found my head started screaming, “I want the world to stop!” and in an exercise of futility, covered my own ears.
That doesn’t work when your own mind is the one doing all the screaming.
There was one night… early morning, actually… somewhere around 4 or 5 AM where I realized that I’d been spending the past three hours refreshing Facebook, Twitter, Bloglovin’ and whatever else over and over and over in a loop, just waiting for something new to come in… and at that time of morning, very little actually does. I kept opening up my IM clients and looking at the lists of names…. trying to figure out if there was someone around who I could talk to. At that hour, most of the world is still asleep.
I realized that this is a pattern. The wasting time waiting for something that doesn’t come… The desperate longing for connections that may not even be there.
I did something that seemed almost revolutionary to me.
I shut the computer, and tucked it into my desk on the keyboard drawer.
I pulled out my journal and wrote down my thoughts.
I pulled out books and read (or in some cases my tablet…)
I made up a new rule for myself… If I ever found myself just aimlessly surfing the web for no reason, that was the cue to put away the computer and go do something else.
So far, so good.
It doesn’t solve some problems though. Like, the whole money thing… I have my share of the rent to contribute. I have debts that I need money to pay off.
Personal discovery, unfortunately, doesn’t pay the bills… Unless you manage to write a book or cut an album or something, and even then the pay off isn’t immediate or even guaranteed.
I’m strongly considering inquiring about the dev jobs I keep getting contacted about despite the fact that my body bristles at the thought.
I created a page on my business website that details what I do this week. Do you know someone who needs someone like me? (Maybe you do?) Pass it along, please. I need your help these days.