Tell the story about something interesting (anything!) that happened to you, but tell it in the form of an instruction manual (Step 1, Step 2, Step 3….)
Step 1: Attend a sizable tech related conference where the culture is to go out partying to the wee hours every night because you obviously didn’t get enough of doing this in college because you were too nerdy for such festivities.
Step 2: Open up your laptop and get IMed by someone from your workplace letting you know some detail of a project that wasn’t time critical and could wait until you get back.
Step 3: Slam laptop shut in seething anger because you had to take vacation days for this conference that your employer should have paid for and thus every time you open up your laptop you are NOT on their clock and you’re tired of your coworkers back home disrespecting that.
Step 4: Pack up laptop into your backpack and go outside with the smokers. (Smoking completely optional.)
Step 5: Wonder aloud to smokers if 3pm is too early to go to the bar and start drinking. Smokers will enthusiastically agree that it’s time to start drinking and at least three of them will agree to go to the bar.
Step 6: Drink four martinis.
Step 7: Return to conference site several hours later, drunk and ready for more action.
Step 8: Approach the first person you see that you know. Bonus points if it’s a former boss that you didn’t part ways with on the best of terms. Triple points for getting him to admit that he’d rehire you.
Step 9: Find your best friend in the crowd and join a group of people going to dinner.
Step 10: Carbo-load with lots of pasta and order an absinthe martini drink with dinner.
Step 11: Go with group to the bar where the official party is at and redeem ticket for your free beer.
Step 12: Gather cool people from the official party to go to a much cooler party in a different part of town.
Step 13: Get confused by the local transit system resulting in half of the group going by one transit system and the other by another.
Step 14: Arrive at cooler party. Order a Vodka Blueberry and Tonic. Drink it.
Step 15: Someone offers you a tequila shot. Say hell yes!
Step 16: Blackout.
Step 17: While blacked out, leave party to go barhopping with all of the lesbians.
Step 18: While blacked out, take photos of the sidewalk art that gets drawn on the way.
Step 19: Start to come to when inside of a narrow crowded bar and realize that you need to pee your pants.
Step 20: Make your way to the back of the bar and enter the first bathroom you come to.
Step 21: Notice urinals lining the wall to your left. Notice sinks lining the wall to your right. Fail to notice that if you walk straight ahead through another doorway, there are stalls.
Step 22: Decide that your only option is to pee in a urinal.
Step 23: Remove pants.
Step 24: Brace right foot on wall next to urinal and pee in the general direction of urinal. Ignore the fact that most of it’s getting on your legs.
Step 25: Get interrupted when man walks into bathroom. He will look at you curiously, then over where the stalls are and say, “Don’t worry, honey. I’m gay.”
Step 26: Wonder why man is telling you he’s gay while you finish peeing.
Step 27: Put pants back on and wash hands. Realize this situation is odd.
Step 28: Go back out into crowded bar and start to panic. You don’t know where you are.
Step 29: Or who you’re with.
Step 30: Find friends smoking outside of bar and burst into tears because you just peed in a urinal.