How is the Neurotic Nikkiana Ever Going To Learn to Cook?

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I was well on my way to writing a blog post about how I hadn’t been blogging when I wandered into the kitchen and realized that I have no food. At least… no food that I can prepare without going out and getting more food. So, I sat down with a piece of paper and started making my grocery list… which is when the anxiety started flooding my chest.

The list of things that I’d come up with were all things that I knew I would eat and I have the knowledge to cook without fear.  Hot dogs, hamburgers, lunch meat, refried beans and spaghetti…. oh, and butter and milk so I can make the Kraft dinner that I have something like 8 boxes of.   Stuff that’s incredibly simple to make, but you know… probably isn’t considered a great diet if that’s all you eat.

One of the things that I’d told myself that I wanted to do in the new year was learn to cook, and that I was going to eat at home more than I go out.

Partly, it’s a financial reason.

I would say that I had a bit of a wake up call in terms of becoming a responsible adult in the past week. I’ve had a couple of close calls in the past few months with my bank account having a low balance, but I’ve generally at least had enough money to make a grocery store trip to ensure that I didn’t starve before some more money came my way. However, this time around, I hadn’t been paying close attention and my account dwindled embarrassing low… Low to the point where you’re digging around in your change box for nickles and dimes to get on the subway to get to and from work because you don’t want to touch the money in the bank for fear you might accidentally overdraw yourself. Low enough that going to the grocery store was not really an option, I had to eat the food I had.

When I went invetigating in my cupboard for my options, they were pretty limited. I had two cans of refried beans, a package of spaghetti, about five servings of spaghetti sauce left in a jar, a package of saltines, peanut butter and Marshmellow Fluff… oh and about two handfuls left of Cheerios. Everything else I had in the house required either milk or butter to prepare. I had neither.

I tried not to worry too much about it because I knew I’d be paid soon… but the check I was expecting didn’t come. When I inquired to the folks I’m currently employed by, we discovered that the reason I hadn’t recieved my check was because I’d transposed to digits of my house number in my address.

Oops.

I ended up getting paid on Monday, which of course… was a holiday, so I couldn’t cash the check till Tuesday, blah blah blah. So, I’m not poor anymore. I can afford groceries now. Get to the point, Nikki.

*deep breath*

The point is I realized the importance of keeping extra food in the house, and that my parents perhaps aren’t crazy for having enough food in the house to be prepared for a small apocalypse.

I probably wouldn’t have made it the entire week if Anna hadn’t fed me Cheerios and sausage on Monday and James hadn’t fed me hamburgers on Thursday and Sunday. (Thank you, guys, by the way.)

I also realized that I have spent an ungodly sum of money on eating out in the past year, largely because I want to eat better food than I know how to prepare on my own and I’d like to spend far less on food overall.

So, you know… it sort of stand to reason that I ought to learn how to cook.

The grocery list still stares at me, and it’s now been two hours since I started making it. I feel utterly lost about what to do next. I’ve thumbed through recipe books briefly, thinking maybe a recipe would jump out at me that I could buy ingredients for, but instead the anxiety gets more and more intense. I am paralyzed with fear over this cooking thing.

I thought maybe chili would be a good place to start until I realized there are literally five million bajillion recipes for chili and then realized that I just want to make chili that I know I’ll like and if there are that many different ways to make chili how do I know that’s the one I ought to make. HOW DO YOU MAKE THESE DECISIONS, PEOPLE!? WHAT IF I MAKE THE WRONG ONE!?! Supposing I do manage to pick a recipe and then I get home and then I’m too tired to cook and I then get too afraid to try something new and now I have all these vegetables that I’m too afraid to do anything with and then they rot? (Believe me, that happens pretty much every time I buy vegetables).

Do you see the level of neuroticism that goes into this whole “learning out to cook” adventure and I end up giving up because the anxiety level is just too stinking much for me to be able to cope with? How do I not make the excuses? How do I give up the fear? That’s one I haven’t quite figured out yet…

Music Review: Dare Dukes – Thugs and China Dolls

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There are really some connections made on this here Interwebz that when you start to follow the trail of how they were made in the first place, you just find yourself saying, “Well, damn, son… that’s abstract.”

Such is the case where I find Dare Dukes‘ new album “Thugs and China Dolls” in my hot little hand.

When Dare sent me a message on last.fm back at the beginning of November saying that I’d posted a song of his on my blog awhile back and wondered if I’d be interested in reviewing his upcoming album, I found myself scratching my head a little bit. Well, of course I want to review the album… but who is Dare Dukes? Certainly I would have remembered if I’d blogged a song of his… Right?

So, I did what any self-respecting nerd with a last.fm account would do… Check to see if I’d ever listened to this guy in the first place. And I had. Twice, in fact.  Which lead me to conclude that I most likely had listened to him on thesixtyone, an indie (mostly) Internet radio website which I listen to with stunning irregularity these days, but for awhile was quite enamored with…  and then I realized, that up until maybe about a month ago, all of my last.fm listening habits landed on my tumblr because up until like a month ago, I just had all of my feeds pointing there… so that’s probably how I had featured him without knowing. Crazy, eh?

So, at any rate… “Thugs and China Dolls” ended up in my mailbox for my listening pleasure.

The first thing that struck me as I was listening to the album was Dare’s voice. He’s got a unique one…  in that sort of way that I fear that some people might call initially grating, but trust me… it grows on you. Also, I couldn’t put my finger on it who he reminded me of for the longest time…  James had suggested Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse,  but I thought that was a stretch at best… I decided today he sounds much more like John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats.

Meet You at the Bus by Dare Dukes

Before I’d gotten my hands on the entire album, I’d been listening to the single, “Meet Me at The Bus” on pretty frequent repeat. The track boasts Thayer Sarrano (Of Montreal) on piano and the same horn section that was on TV on the Radio’s most recent album and some rather excellent harmony that you can’t help but find yourself singing along to.

However, I feel the gem of the album is the lovely yet melancholy “Lament of the Subway Rider” with it’s accordion and haunting strings. I absolutely adore the chorus…

I want a stereo lover
Broken like in a country song
We’ll help each other suffer
Pretty like a sing-a-long

Maybe it’s just that I’ve have a love like that.

Dare Dukes’ “Thugs and China Dolls” goes on sale January 16, 2012 on Bandcamp. For my fellow New Yorkers, he’ll be at Union Pool in Williamsburg on January 25th at 9pm. For tour dates elsewhere, check his schedule.

Lethargy Has Set In

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It would seem that I’m coming down with a cold or sinus infection or some sort of such illness.

For me, getting a cold almost always coincides with a deadline.  I don’t know why… it just seems to be the way it is. A project is about to be due and the next thing you know, I’m blowing snot rockets… so you know, it figures that the project I’ve been working on is due on Friday so even if I’m feeling like death warmed over, I’ve got to haul my ass into the office.  I don’t dare do a work from home day or else I’ll just spend the day passed out in bed and not actually do any work…  which is honestly what I’m going to want to do.

One of the things I hate about when you’re first getting sick is when that lethargy just hits you.

I mean, right this moment I’m not really all that sick… I have a headache and my left sinus seems to be a little clogged and it hurts a little when I swallow, but all things considered it’s not that bad. I feel under the weather, but I haven’t hit that blow out drag out sick point.

So, I feel conflicted about what I want to do with myself in this given moment… There’s the part of me that’s like, “You’re sick and you’re tired, you ought to put the computer down and go to bed,” and then there’s the other half of me that’s like, “You’re not that sick, it’s only 9:15, you should at least stay up until 11…  don’t abort your nightly routine just because of a little headache! Talk to some friends, read some blogs, watch some TV!”

I really should cave on that sleep bit…  It’d probably serve me better than sitting here writing a blog post about how I feel lethargic.

Mr. Pitt’s Socks, Progress

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IMG 3613Mr. Pitt’s Socks in Numma Numma The Usual, Red Bartlett Pear

So, my yarn bin is currently sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor. Admittedly, this is not a good place for my yarn bin because well… it’s the middle of my bedroom floor. I just haven’t gotten around to figuring out exactly where it’s home is because I feel like it’s original home…. my closet, ended up being a rather unsuitable place for it because… well… out of sight, out of mind… and if I want to spend more time knitting this year than I have in the past two, it makes much more sense for the yarn to be out where I can see it.

So, yeah… it’s still in the middle of the bedroom floor.

I mention it because every time I walk past it, I find myself kicking myself for starting this sock. I have so many beautiful yarns in my yarn bin that would make beautiful socks, and out of all of those beautiful yarns I decided to pick this one. Boring shades of brown…. and then to make it even more boring, I picked a pattern that’s knit three, purl one. Epicly boring boring boring.

But….  you know, I got it into my head that I should make a pair of men’s socks…  so I cast it on.  I”m not even sure why I’m knitting men’s socks.  Sure, I have male friends I could give them to when they’re done, but I don’t really have a man in mind for them… but I’m not worried, I don’t think these socks are going to be hopping off the needles at any sort of rapid rate, I’m sure I have at least until next Christmas to decide! Ha!

Holidays Over, Finally!

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I’ve been trying to write a holiday reflection post since sometime before Christmas and well, I sorta want to give up on it because this year the holidays were just hard and there’s that part of me that doesn’t want to talk about it.

It probably doesn’t really help that there were a bunch of things said and done in the past two weeks that fall into the Realm of the Unbloggable.

The holidays just didn’t feel like the holidays this year.

I didn’t go home at all because I didn’t have the money. I worked straight through the past two weeks.

I spent Christmas Eve with Linda and Brian and watched the Louis CK special for the millionth time (it just doesn’t get old).

I spent Christmas Day with James and we watched a bunch of standup comedy and had hot dogs with macaroni and cheese for dinner and then I gave him the gift of an epic anxiety attack which left me exhausted for the next 24 hours.

Whee!

The lovely Prof. Rowen (whom you can find contributing along with other fine folks on the ever wonderful blog Modern Mythology) came to visit for New Years weekend. We had some awesome Belgian food at Petite Abeille on Friday night, hung out with Anna on New Years Eve and went out for drinks and on New Years had a late lunch/early dinner at Chimu Express… Good times, great conversation… but man was I hungover on Sunday.

So, at least New Years was good.

WEverb #23: Dressing like a Lady

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Describe something that you actively engaged in learning to do this year.

Liquid eyeliner. I actively engaged in learning how to put on liquid eyeliner without stabbing myself in the eye and turning my entire eyeball black.

Okay, hmm. That’s a really short answer to this question. That’s no good.

But it does bring up this whole notion of learning how to dress like a lady.

One of the things I noticed when I moved to NYC in 2009 was the fact that I dressed funny.

Jeans. T-shirts. Usually t-shirts having to do something with Drupal or a Drupal centric company or Linux. You know, t-shirts that you get for free. In fact, I’m pretty sure for the two months that I lived in NYC and was living out of a suitcase, the only t-shirts I had with me were Drupal t-shirts.

The thing about NYC women (and men for that matter) is they tend to dress. Even when dressed casually it looks like there was at least some thought put into the outfit.

Needless to say, I didn’t really fit in fashion wise.

And for the first year, I didn’t give a rats ass.

Or rather, I sort of did but I was trying to keep a household afloat on just my salary and I didn’t have extra spending money for these things that they call clothes, so it just wasn’t that important.

And then in the Fall of 2010, I stopped supporting the leech and I got a job that paid a lot more and an apartment that cost a lot less and a James that started poking me about the fact that I should wear more flattering stuff.

So, I’ll admit it. I started dressing nicer to impress a drunk boy, but in my defense… IT WAS FOREPLAY!

Ermm… Yeah, that was TMI. Anywho.

I started dressing nicer. I bought some dresses. I bought some nicer shirts. I bought some stuff I wasn’t sure I’d ever wear in public but wouldn’t mind walking around the house in, some of which I ended up feeling comfortable wearing out later on.

I started wearing makeup too. My friend Skye helped me conquer my fear of Sephora and helped me pick out some colors that would work for me.

Then I took the burlesque class, which made me even more aware of the world of makeup.

I almost always wear eye makeup now. Quite a shocking change.

Hat Finished Before Year Ends!

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I told you I was going to finish that hat I’d been working on before the year ended… and whoa… I have NEVER finished off a project with so little yarn to spare. There were 11 inches left of the ball of yarn when I finished grafting off the top of the hat. For all you non-knitters, that’s barely any yarn left. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it, but I did!

Apparently one hank of Manos Silk Blend is the perfect amount to make Zissou for a Sailor.

It didn’t come out perfectly… I made a couple of mistakes, but they aren’t super noticeable and I had some laddering issues because I worked the pattern on DPNs but it looks great when it’s on, so that’s all that matters.

IMG 3605

Just a Day After Work in Times Square

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My latest work gig has me working in unfortunate proximity to Times Square. As in, if I want to take one train home instead of two, I have to walk right through the god forsaken mess…. oh, and it’s even more of a mess two days before the big ball drops.

There are people everywhere.

People that don’t understand that it’s really impolite to just stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk randomly because you don’t know where you want to go.

People who don’t understand that it’s really not okay to just stand in the middle of the sidewalk talking to your friend.

People who don’t understand that the only goddamned thing they’re stopping to take pictures of is gigantic ads.

GIGANTIC ADS! Is that what you want to show your kids? I went to NYC and I saw some really fucking GINORMOUS ADS!

No, no. I’m not bitter at all about having to work in Times Square.

It least for me, this is temporary. Poor James has to do it all the time.

So, I get out of work and I’m walking across 42nd Street towards 6th Avenue through the gigantic mob of people that just seems to get thicker the closer I get to 7th Avenue.

Now, normally in such situations the best thing to do is to just hop out into the street and walk around the crowd, but I’d gotten caught on the building side of the sidewalk so I was stuck just pushing onward. I get shoved by someone, probably by accident and probably by another New Yorker because only another New Yorker would do the bob and weave like that but I make sure to mutter obscenities loud enough for people around me to hear.

Remember, New Yorkers are supposed to be rude.

Or at least that’s what everyone who doesn’t live in New York City tells me.

I manage to make it across 7th Avenue and Broadway without killing anyone…. and finally, the crowd thins out, and I make my play to pass a dwaddling couple picking up the pace by about three times.

Out of the corner of my eye I catch a businessy looking woman with a suitcase who’s keeping pace with me. She says, “Oh whew, when you picked up the pace I figured I’d tail you because obviously you know what you’re doing.”

I laughed and said, “Well, I work down here. Otherwise I’d avoid it.”

She said, “I don’t know what I was thinking by booking a hotel around here at this time of year…” and then asked if I knew where it was and if she was going the right direction. I assured her, and then parted ways at 6th Avenue to get on the train.

Moral of the story? We’re not assholes if you can keep pace, fuckers.

Because Sometimes Doing a Meme Seems Like A Good Idea. Shut up.

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Ummm…. because Aunt Becky said so… and I needed a distraction from doing work on something that doesn’t want to work for me.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

I performed in a burlesque show.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Considering I don’t do this, nope…. and nope.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I think some of my Facebook friends did…

4. Did anyone close to you die?

James died in my imagination like a billion times, does that count?

5. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

More chutzpah.

6. What countries did you visit?

Does Chicago count as another country?

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

August 3. The day that Roxy Bourbon debuted on the Coney Island Sideshow stage.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Becoming Roxy Bourbon the burlesque dancer, duh.

Also, I learned to cook hot dogs.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The failure to pay rent on time for the month of December.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had a bad ear infection at the end of January. The best part was seeing how James squirmed when I tried to tell him about how awful it was.

I also got black out drunk and fell down the stairs to the bathroom at Risottoria and gave myself a black eye, an a bruised forearm and gash in the other arm. You can still kinda see the scar if you’re really looking for it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Sennheiser HD280 Pro headphones.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My awesome friend Phil. He graduated from college, don’t ya know?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

His name does not rhyme with Thames.

14. Where did most of your money go?

I’m still trying to figure that one out.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Sex.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Oh, pretty much anything by Adele.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier.

ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner.

iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.

Okay, Meme, let me take a stab at that:

i) more or less like Justin Beaver – Snerk.

ii) more or less likely to decide inanimate objects looked like boobs – More. Duh. Boobs are awesome.

iii) more or less likely to watch Glee – Considering that I never watched it in the first place…

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Eating at home and saving money.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Drinking.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Umm… That’s like almost a whole year away now.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.

Too bad.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Not exactly.

23. How many one-night stands?

Two? Maybe three? I kinda gave up doing that.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

30 Rock.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century or The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Why I didn’t like metal music. You can read about that here.

28. What did you want and get?

A keyboard. I got myself a used Kurzweil PC88. That thing’s a beast.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

That new Muppet movie that I don’t actually know the title of.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 27…. and I don’t remember which means it probably involved drinking.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

It would have been nice to have worked more over the fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

See? I can dress like a girl.

34. What kept you sane?

More like, who. Phil and Anna.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Johnny Depp. Especially when he does the Hunter S. Thompson voice.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Occupy!

37. Who did you miss?

I missed James for the whole month I didn’t talk to him.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

The guy who tries to get me to speak Spanish at the bodega across the street is pretty cool.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

Breathe.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“I lost my mind long ago, down that yellow brick road.” – Angus & Julia Stone, “Yellow Brick Road”

WEverb #22: Finish Knitting a Hat

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What is one thing you want to do before you bid adieu to 2011? How will you make it happen?

When I read this question, I thought to myself “Oh great, another question that I don’t have answer for and there’s only three days left in 2011 because you know, I’m running behind in this whole WEverb11 thing. At this point what could I have possibly left to complete?”

And then I remembered the hat I’ve been knitting on.

IMG 3580

I’ve been working on this Zissou for a Sailor hat for probably about two months now but I’m not really sure because I never ended up posting it up on Ravelry that I started the project. On Christmas, I finally got to the home stretch, the decreases… but then started messing it up and putting them in the wrong place because knitting + whiskey = disaster. Thankfully, I caught it after about two rounds so I don’t have that much to undo.

I’m so close to finishing that it would be a shame not to finish the hat before the New Year.